


Worried about you

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: “I’m worried,” Alec said, turning his attention to their hands that were now clasped together between them. “About Rafael.”Their oldest son had been acting distant, hiding in his room more often than usual. The fifteen-year-old was normally calm and liked to keep to himself, but the past few days he had been even more quiet than usual. The fathers had let him be, giving him space while making sure Rafael knew that he could talk to them if something was bothering him.Alec notices some similarities between his oldest son and how he himself used to be when he was a teenager.





	Worried about you

**Author's Note:**

> A heavier fic. Please read the tags!!

Magnus arrived home and took one look at his husband and he knew.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, approaching Alec who was sitting on the couch, deep in thought as his eyes were focused on the hallway that led to their sons’ bedrooms. Alec was hunched over, his elbows on his knees as the fingers of his other hand stroked the skin between his thumb and forefinger. Not in a forceful way that held an intent, but rather in a gentle reminder of what used to be.

It had been almost a year since Magnus had last healed an injury that was left to fester, or one that was not entirely accidental. Magnus knew that there weren’t such thing as being completely out in the clear with a thing like self harm, but he trusted Alec to tell him if he was struggling. Nevertheless, the action caused a bang in his chest that spread worry all over his mind.

Alec didn’t respond, and only turned his attention to Magnus when he sat down next to him and placed his hand on top of Alec’s, effectively stopping their movement. 

“Darling,” he started. “What’s going on?”

“I’m worried,” Alec said, turning his attention to their hands that were now clasped together between them. “About Rafael.”

Their oldest son had been acting distant, hiding in his room more often than usual. The fifteen-year-old was normally calm and liked to keep to himself, but the past few days he had been even more quiet than usual. The fathers had let him be, giving him space while making sure Rafael knew that he could talk to them if something was bothering him.

“Has something happened?” Magnus asked, curious to know if his situation had somehow taken a turn to the worst during the day. Magnus wondered what could cause this kind of reaction in Alec. 

“Today when I was leaving the Institute and looking for him so that we could come home together, I found him training,” Alec said, lifting his head up to look Magnus in the eyes. “He was training hard. Which in itself isn’t worrying, we both know how seriously he takes his duties and how hard he works to get even better but - Magnus - he had no form. It was like he had forgotten all he knows about punching a bag and was just going at it for the sake of punching. It didn’t make me think of training, it made me think of - of me.”

“Oh,” Magnus said, feeling his worry increase instantly. He knew what Alec was talking about, was able to remember several times he’s found Alec like that. The memories were painful, and it only added to the pain to know that his son might have the same habit.

“I know he could have just had a bad day,” Alec says, trying to see the other side of things. “Every Shadowhunter does that sometimes. Everyone needs to let out some steam every now and then. But then I started thinking about how he’s been acting lately, and how I used to be at his age. Magnus, what if this isn’t a one time thing? What if he does this often? What if he does something else I did in his age? By the Angel, he has blades in his room, has a bow and arrows there. What if-”

By now Alec had worked himself into a state, his voice desperate as he looked at Magnus for answers.

“Shh,” Magnus hushed him, bringing his arms around Alec to pull him into a hug. “Then we talk to him and help him deal with it.”

“I want him to feel like he can come to us if something is bothering him,” Alec mumbled into Magnus’s shoulder while Magnus brushed his hand up and down Alec’s back in a soothing motion.

“Me too,” Magnus agreed. “But you also know how that’s not always easy. It took a long time for us to start doing that with each other every time something was bothering us, and it was in no way a sign that we didn’t trust each other or our love. You know Rafael, you know how he likes to be independent and not ask for help.”

“I know,” Alec said. “But I think we should talk to him.”

“I agree,” Magnus said. They stayed in their embrace for a moment longer, both of them drawing strength from each other before they stood up and linked their hands, starting to walk towards their son’s closed bedroom door.

“Is Max home?” Magnus asked as they passed his door.

“No,” Alec replied. “He’s staying the night at Madzie’s.”

“Good,” Magnus said. “I wouldn’t want him barging in in the middle of the conversation we’re going to have.”

Knowing Max it wasn’t an unreasonable thing to worry about, since the blue boy had a bad habit of forgetting to knock. They wouldn’t be able to get Rafael to open up if his little brother was going to be in the same room.

Alec knocked on the door and they waited until they heard a faint “come in” from inside the room before turning the handle and walking inside.

Rafael was sitting at his desk, writing something down on a notebook. He turned his head to see who came into the room and upon noticing that both of his parents were there, his brows furrowed and he closed his notebook. He turned his chair around to give his full attention to his fathers who sat down on the edge of Rafael’s bed. 

Magnus took notice of Rafael’s hands - his fingers that were slightly swollen and his knuckles that were starting to bruise. He knew Alec had noticed them as well, because Magnus could feel Alec’s grip on his hand tighten. 

“What’s going on?” Rafael asked, suspicious of the odd situation. He turned his hands over in his lap, placing them so that his palms were up and most of the damage was hidden.

“We wanted to ask the same thing from you,” Magnus said carefully.

“What?” Rafael asked, trying to keep his expression neutral but both parents could see the flash of alarm in his brown eyes.

“Is something wrong?” Alec asked gently. 

Their son looked like a cornered animal and it broke Magnus’ heart. He wanted to know what was going on with Rafael but in order to find out, all he could do was wait.

“I hope you know that you can talk to us about anything,” Alec added when Rafael stayed quiet.

Magnus knew that that was one of Alec’s biggest fears as a parent - for his children to feel like he had felt when he was young. For them to feel like they couldn’t appear weak in front of their parents, and being afraid of coming to them when they needed help or a listening ear.

“It’s stupid,” Rafael said eventually, his eyes falling to his hands.

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Magnus said immediately. “Never think like that.”

Their son was quiet for a moment longer before he spoke.

“I wanted to ask Samuel to be my Parabatai,” Rafael said eventually, and the revelation probably shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was. 

Samuel was Rafael’s cousin, Clary and Jace’s son. After Rafael had become a part of the family, the boys had quickly become best friends, and had been pretty much inseparable ever since.

“Did he say no?” Alec asked carefully, because that seemed like the most obvious reason to their son’s current mood.

“No,” Rafael said, shaking his head. “I never got the chance to ask him, because I screwed up and we got into this stupid fight and he hasn’t been talking to me. Now I wonder if it was a stupid idea to think that we could be Parabatai.”

“I couldn’t imagine a more fitting pair,” Alec said honestly. “Of course it’s a serious decision and you both should really think about it, but if you both want it I’m sure it’ll work well for you.”

“How could it?” Rafael asks, defencive. “He’s mad a me.”

“Do you have any idea how often your father and your uncle disagree on things?” Magnus asked, trying to encourage his son. “Especially when they were younger.”

“That is true,” Alec agreed. “Your uncle is a troublemaker.”

Rafael laughed a bit at that.

“Not that I don’t agree,” Magnus said, smiling himself. “But my point was that they might disagree and fight, but they agree on the things that matter the most. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship - be it platonic or romantic - that’s always sunshine and flowers. Disagreements are a part of life.”

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” Rafael asked carefully.

“I don’t know what the argument was about,” Magnus said. “But I have full faith that you two can work it out.”

Rafael nodded, letting the words sink in.

“There was also something else we wanted to talk about,” Alec started hesitantly. “The way you were training today…”

Rafael looked down at his fathers’ feet at that, something resembling of shame crossing his features.

“That was not with the intention to train, was it?” Alec finished carefully.

“Rafe,” Magnus said gently when they got no reply from their son. “Talk to us.”

“It wasn’t,” Rafael said, hesitantly looking at Alec. “I’ve been feeling so frustrated with everything going on and I needed to let out some steam.”

“And did it help?” Alec asked, to which their son only shrugged his shoulders, his chin falling to his chest.

It was quiet for a while, before Alec stood up and took the couple steps that were needed for him to reach Rafael, and then he kneeled down on the floor in front of him, looking him in the eyes.

“I know how it feels,” he started, before he took Rafael’s injured hands to his. “And I also understand the feeling of not wanting to use an iratze right away.”

“It’s-” Rafael started, unsure of what he should say. “It takes my focus away from thinking about the fight.”

Magnus stayed quiet where he was still sitting on the edge of the bed, giving the two Shadowhunters some space. Even though they were not family by blood, the resemblance between Alec and Rafael was striking - their eyes were almost the same shade of brown, the dark hair on top of their heads impossible to tame.

“But does it make you feel better?” Alec asked, to which Rafael shook his head.

“You can’t cure one kind of hurt by adding another,” Alec said seriously, but his tone still kind. “Trust me, I’ve tried. And I know that it might sometimes feel like the easiest way to deal with things or the one you would prefer, but I want you to try to stay away from it. Can you promise me that you’ll try?”

A tear slipped from Rafael’s eye but he nodded, looking at his father with an honest expression. “I’ll try.”

Magnus had a hard time keeping his own tears at bay.

“That’s good,” Alec said with a small smile, reaching up to brush the tear away before he took Rafael’s hands to his again. “Now, can I heal these?”

Rafael nodded, lifting his sleeve to reveal his iratze. Alec took his stele out of his pocket and activated the rune, watching as the bruises faded and the hands returned to their normal state. 

“I’m sorry,” Rafael said as he looked at his now healed hands.

“Hey, no.” Alec said immediately, his eyes finding Rafael’s. “You have nothing to apologise for. You hear me?” 

Rafael nodded and stood up, causing Alec to stand up as well. He was taken by surprise when Rafael wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist and buried his head to Alec’s chest. Alec reacted quickly though, and wrapped his arms around his son and leaned his head down to leave a kiss on top of his head.

“I love you dad,” Rafael said quietly, and Magnus saw Alec squeeze his eyes tightly shut before he responded, with his voice a bit shaky.

“I love you too Rafe,” he said.

The hug lasted a while but eventually they pulled apart, and Alec reached to dry the fresh tear tracks from Rafael’s cheek. He smiled and squeezed Rafael’s shoulder before he looked at Magnus and left the room.

Magnus stood up as well, but lingered in the room.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty,” Magnus said gently. ” I’m telling you this so you know how serious we are. Your dad was beside himself when he thought this might be an issue that you struggle with. Never feel like you can’t talk to us, or even just one of us, if you feel like that would be easier. You are not alone.”

“I know,” Rafael said quietly as he stepped closer and hugged Magnus as well. Magnus held on tight and stroked his back, waiting for Rafael to move away before he broke the hug. 

“I love you papa,” Rafael said, looking Magnus in the eyes.

“And I love you,” Magnus said with a gentle smile on his face.

He waited until Rafael returned the smile and stepped away before he left the room, searching for his husband.

He found Alec from the balcony, watching the city below them. Magnus walked to stand beside his husband and wrapped an arm around his waist, smiling when he felt Alec move closer and place his own hand on top of his.

“He’s going to be fine,” Magnus said, his words quiet but sure.

“I know,” Alec replied and turned to place a kiss to Magnus’ temple. “I know he will.”

**Author's Note:**

> [You can find me from tumblr!](https://sugarandspace.tumblr.com)


End file.
